Since graduation from law school and my abrupt realization that, not only was the party over, but the time had come to pay the piper, I began to resent my career.
This resentment manifested itself in a number of ways, all of which made me feel like a nasty, terrible human being. The recurring manifestation, and the one that ultimately led me to this step one, was how much I found myself hating those more fortunate than me. It wasn't that I resented my rich friends, or even the friends with zero law school debt. It went deeper than that. I am not proud of what I'm about to share, but I believe it was (is?) a necessary part of what brought me to where I am.
The people I resented the most were those people - my friends, my clients, my yoga instructor, and even complete strangers - who were doing what they loved, and making a career out of it, because money wasn't an issue. When a good friend broke his hip in two places and was relinquished to 8 weeks of bed rest, I found myself jealous (JEALOUS!!!!!!!!!!!) and wishing I had two months worth of excuses not to go to work or the gym or happy hour... or anything at all. Everybody else talked about "how boring" it would be and how they would go stir crazy. I, on the other hand, knew immediately what I would do with such an unplanned vacation: I would write a book.
It took the rest of the summer for me to realize that despite my debt and general disenchantment with being a lawyer, I was really lucky. What I wanted to do with my life didn't actually require having a lot of money. It didn't require renting studio space, making a downpayment or investing loads of money upfront.
So, with a rough plot outline and initial thoughts on character development, this is me taking the first step to recovery: I don't want to be a lawyer for the rest of my life. I don't want to wait until retirement to sit down and write my first book. I don't want to hate what I do. I don't want to resent people who love what they do.
I am going to write a book.
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