"Today is the best day of your legal career."

I should be banned from public lawyer events.  At least public lawyer events where there are a number of brand new attorneys who just found out they passed the Bar Exam that day.  Note:  these people found out they passed the Bar and decided there was no better way to celebrate than to attend a schmoozing event at a downtown law firm that certainly wasn't going to hire them.  I tell you this as if it provides some sort of justification for my behavior...

Honestly, I couldn't keep my mouth shut.  I couldn't help it.  In retrospect, I'm not proud of myself, but at the time... there was nothing I could do.  After my initial, "that's great, congratulations!!!!!" or "wow, I bet you're relieved THAT'S over!!!!!" (please take note of the excessive exclamation marks and please insert plastic smile here). I simply could not shut myself up.  I should be embarrassed... but I'm not.

First, it was the woman who had not only found out she had passed the Bar, but it was also her birthday.  Really?  Your BIRTHDAY??  And you decided to spend it with me and a room full other female attorneys who have no idea who you are, and frankly, probably won't remember you tomorrow.  Really...??  Now, I can fully acknowledge that I am a birthday brat.  B.R.A.T. - brat.  And never in a million years would I spend my birthday (let alone the day I passed the Bar) eating hors d'eourves, shaking hands and limiting my consumption of alcoholic beverages to one and a half glasses of wine.  No way, no how.

Next it was the woman from New York, who could not talk enough about how "excited she was to be a lawyer."  I told her (direct quote), "Great!  You should really remember today because this is the best it will ever be.  Seriously.  Today is the best day of your legal career."  Yes, seriously.  Clearly, I offended not only the bar-passer, but also the group of women within ear shot who were hosting the event and trying to recruit new members to their organization.  Worst part?  I felt no remorse.  After all, it's true...  she might as well know about it now.

As if it could get much worse, I was on a roll.  When I get on a roll, my filter more or less dissolves.  In my own humble opinion, I was a riot, so I allowed my "humor" to extend from the one-day-old lawyers to other, more seasoned lawyers who set me up to make some, probably really out of line, comments.  I might never be invited back, actually.  One lawyer had to excuse herself early to go take care of her dog, who had ANOTHER urinary tract infection.  Turns out, "she's really prone to UTI's."  I couldn't help myself.  I absolutely had to remark, "Riiiiight.... that's what they ALL say.  'Really prone to UTI's.'  We know what THAT means." 

Lucky for me, this lawyer with the UTI dog is a friend of mine, so I didn't directly offend her....  Although she had assisted in the organization event, and I could tell she wasn't pleased with my public remark. It probably goes without saying that the other attorneys in the discussion (who probably have their own UTI-prone dogs at home), were not amused by my antics.

I like to think I left before I made too much of a spectacle of myself... but then again, the jury's still out.