the provider.

It's been one week at my new job with CaféWell, and I couldn't be happier.  While there is certainly a lot of work to be done, it's such a good fit and a phenomenal company, that I couldn't be more excited to get in the mix.

After discussing the Myers Briggs personality test with my committee over happy hour on Friday, I realized how much more analysis has been done on all of the personality combinations.  So I went back and took the test again, curious to see what my career matches looked like.  As I filled in the Yes and No bubbles, I started to get nervous.  What if my results are somehow different this time?  What if my ideal job comes back with "lawyer?"  What if... what if... what if...  

I am happy to report that everything is as it should be.  The results of the second test confirm my original "diagnosis" - ESFJ.  This makes me, what is referred to in the Myers Briggs world as, "The Provider."  As The Provider, I am part of the class of Guardians, and the analysis of my personality couldn't be more spot on.  The way I handle work stress also couldn't be more accurate:

The Provider is the most likely to first become angry, then sad and complain to anyone who will lend them an ear. This is quite different from their normal style of spreading happiness and making everyone around them comfortable. What triggers the stress is when others do not trust them or when they experience too much pressure to conform to a standard with which they do not agree. Interpersonal conflict with a boss, co-worker, or underling also takes a toll on the Provider's equilibrium. When stressed, they may become excessively logical and critical in their dealings with others. To return to normal, they will need less pressure from others and more solitude. Sometimes writing in a journal will help them with their sadness. They may need coaching in how to deal with adversity and decrease their need for harmonious relationships.

It's that need for harmonious relationships that drove me out of law.  When people have asked what I mean by "it's just not a good fit" - that's what I mean.  Right there.  I get stressed out when others do not trust me or when I feel extreme pressure to conform to a standard with which I disagree.  Aka:  the practice of law.  I am also easily stressed when relationships are not harmonious.  By nature, the practice of law is adversarial and relationships are the antithesis of harmonious.  No wonder I was so miserable.

I was also pleased to learn that my top career matches are in Management and Sales/Marketing... which is exactly my role with CaféWell.   There's something validating about answering 75 questions and essentially being told that I made the right decision in leaving law.


I was running through my normal blog circuit this morning, when I came across a recent post from The People's Therapist entitled The Provider.  It was validating in a different way.  Read it.  It's intense.  In just a year and a half, I felt myself become that version of "The Provider"... and resenting everyone in my life for it.  Reading that post was like the Ghost of Christmas Future paying me a visit, and it scared me.  

After more perusing on The People's Therapist, I discovered a comment from someone named Erin about how she barely knew herself anymore and knew she had to get out of law.  Erin's words resonated to my soul:


Erin

Sometimes the nice ones don’t leave but you don’t notice because they’re no longer the nice ones they were when they were first years. I left because I didn’t like the person I was becoming — entitled, impatient, unforgiving, full of self doubt. I was talking recently with a good friend who’s still at the firm, a lovely, sunny, sweet-to-a-fault southern girl, who said she needs to get out soon because “I don’t like the person I’m becoming.” I was already an overly serious, brusque Yankee when I started at the firm, but if that place can make even my sweet southern friend a b–ch, well, that’s a feat.

Entitled.  Impatient.  Unforgiving.  Full of self doubt.  That was me.  To a T, and I hated myself.  And while I won't be naive and say that those emotions automatically stayed behind when I walked out of office with my box full of stuff, I am hopeful that the time it takes for those emotions to dissipate will be infinitely shorter because of how quickly I nipped the whole law thing in the bud.  There has to be something akin to the rule of relationships: It takes half the amount of time you were with somebody to get over them.  I can only imagine that the longer one stays in law feeling entitled, impatient, unforgiving and full of doubt, the more those emotions begin to define her.  Or in other words, eventually you stop not recognizing yourself.

Because of the fact that I am the Myer's Briggs' definition of The Provider and could see myself turning into The People's Therapist version of The Provider if I were to stay in law, I am decidedly spending the afternoon basking in the relief of a good decision.