head up, hair down

I got in to Salt Lake the other night after a very delayed flight with a very early meeting scheduled for the next morning.  I was exhausted, and the only thing keeping me from being in the worst mood ever was that it was still kind of light out at 10 pm, and the Utah mountains looked like they were on fire.  It was gorgeous.  The radio stations in my compact rental car had clearly been programmed by a teenager, but I was too tired to change them, so I was stuck listening to pop...  (I realize that I sound 45 when I say that).  This horrible song came on, and despite its general lack of rhythm, I found myself listening to the lyrics.  It was all about holding your head up while letting your hair down.

The whole notion of holding your head up while letting your hair down is an intensely difficult balance to achieve.  Most of us have been coached to hold our heads up at all times... even if we're completely unsure of ourselves - the whole "fake it till you make it" philosophy, and all too often (especially in law), we maintain confidence at the expense of our true personalities.

It took me a long time to feel comfortable with my hair down (I mean that figuratively as much as I actually mean it literally), to allow myself to be myself without caring if I was disliked.  I'm a girl.  I went through high school. Being disliked sucks...  Everyone knows that.  But there's something liberating about being totally and completely myself and not being liked. 

It's weird, and I have a hard time putting words to the concept of knowing who you are and sticking to it... even if it means not everyone is your biggest fan.  I'm your typical first child, August-born Leo with a  type-A personality.  I like to make everyone happy.  I like people to like me.  The shift I've felt over the last year in my outlook on personal relationships has surprised me.  I find I'm bothered less and less when I sense that I don't necessarily mesh with someone else.

Keep your head up, but let your hair down.